I did not trip twice at my new job in front of people I barely know. I never fell asleep in my car on my extremely long lunch break with the window down. And I did not wake myself up snoring with said window down. I will not admit that I stepped in Big daddy's foot this weekend while decorating the Christmas Tree, causing him to wince in pain and look at me as I had been consuming too much holiday cheer. I never walked around with a small booger on my nose at my new job only to go to the restroom and look in the mirror and see it.
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